Dating in 2006: 101

Have times really changed when it comes to dating?            

I dunno. Maybe it's just me but I used to think that I had a good grip on what to do when dating someone. I thought I always had a good head on my shoulders when it came to that but it seems like I've missed something. I've been kind of down the past few weeks because I find myself, once again, in a "special" situation. I met a great guy but something in my soul tells me that he's only partially into me. Well atleast he's not all that physically into me cuz we don't have sex very often. He still freqents sites like A4A as well so that lets me know right there that there's extra corricular activities still in his life. Now I don't doubt that he likes me. Guys generally do, BUT (the magic word)....i'm no ones fantasy. I'm just the cute nice guy and that's about it. Sure many say i'm "husband" material but I think in the gay life that just means "you'll put up with my bs and be more understanding than the guys I REALLY WANT, will be." Again I may be jumping to conclusions about this new guy and it is a long distance relationship so I guess this is already doomed to begin with and I should just enjoy the good moments that we get but not hold my breath.

Still this leads me to thinking about some things. See, I happen to be in a minority of guys who date guys outside of thier race, particularly white guys. I'm not limited to them it's just what i've seem to have the best luck with.......well, for a little while. Yet there's a small amount of guys like me and vice versa that will stand behind their actions in broad daylight. LOL.....and i'm being foreal. Now I know there are bad seeds in every group of people but why does it seem like a big chunk of the majority of white boys who date black boys seem to have very little respect for them. Take the situation above to be exact or others, if I might mention. Over the past 4 years i've dated a bunch of guys and it seemed the only thing they really liked about me was my skin tone. Not me specifically. I only came to that conclusion after the 100th time a guy I was kickin' it with was breakin' his neck to look at the closet piece of chocolate that crossed our path. Dudes that I KNEW we'ren't even very attractive. They were just little black boys and that was about it. Hmmmmm. Again, I ask am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? I can't help it. I know this happens to people all over the world but it seems to happen A LOT within' the gay interracial dating world. I'm sure there's shit that happens in reverse too but I can only speak from my perspective.

Maybe it's some sort of punishment because I date outside of my race but I simply cannot help who I am attracted to and I don't want to. I just want to  know if i'm alone in this or are there other dudes that can relate. I mean I just couldn't imagine being with someone and while he's away at work i'm online crusing "hookup sites" and within spending and entire week with him, I BARELY touch him or have sex with him. It's happened to me time and time again, but I don't think this time around i'm gonna let it get to far.

DAMN.

What to do?

Why is dating so hard?

Later.

Comments

[crusher]

I'm no ones fantasy. I'm just the cute nice guy and that's about it.

Right there Tori, is the reason you're not getting what you want. Would you date yourself? Look at the language you use to describe yourself. It's like you sold yourself short before anyone had a chance to even see what you're about.

I love you to pieces, Tori, but just like our last online convo, more of the same... "I'm average", etc. No. Not working. Not true and you f'n know it.

As long as you continue to see yourself as "average," "no one's fantasy," nothing special, etc, that's who you'll meet.

[virgormx]

Crush....then why do I keep getting treated this way? What am I missing or doing wrong? I start out feeling confident and then it all goes right to hell when "certain shit" goes down and it literally crushes me!

[crusher]

I really don't know why the people you've met are the way they are... but I can't see you really meeting the people you should be meeting if you have such a low opinion of yourself.

I'm not trying to excuse anyone's behavior. The idea that anyone would mistreat you really upsets me. However, I wonder what your criteria is for the people you meet and pursue.

I refuse to believe that there aren't armies of hotties waiting to meet someone like you, but I don't know if you are ready to meet them. Your performing persona says such confident things, exudes charisma, sex, assertiveness... but you keep writing about yourself in such negative ways that I don't know if you believe your own lyrics.

I'm sorry if I sound dogmatic or too heavy-handed. I just care about you and you deserve to hear the truth.

You're handsome, SEXY, gifted, incredibly kind, generous and sweet. But you don't believe it no matter how many times I or others tell you...

[crusher]

PS:

"why do I keep getting treated this way?"

Because you're meeting assholes and you're communicating to them, subtley, that you don't mind if they walk all over you.

[T.]

You're absolutely right. I guess I have a bad tendency to fall into old habits and I need to focus on how to break them. Getting down on myself is/has always been a horrible habit and I truly need to figure out a way to change that....like, yesterday! Thanks Crush, you're STILL the bestest!